


Life Paths and Doubts

by LieselSolo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Male Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24901279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LieselSolo/pseuds/LieselSolo
Summary: Poe is getting weary of running spice and calls up Ben for some perspective. Set before Ben's fall.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Han Solo, Kes Dameron & Poe Dameron, Leia Organa & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron & Ben Solo
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Life Paths and Doubts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [idrilhadhafang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/gifts).



> Written for my friend idrilhadhafang, who headcanons that Ben and Poe were best friends growing up.

Ben was wiping sweat off his face with a towel, having just gone through an intense training session and wanting to lie down for a while, but when he got to his tiny dwelling, he noticed his comm was beeping, informing him of a message. With a groan, he flopped down onto his bed and pushed the button to access the message, causing Poe’s hologram to shoot out of the comm.

“Hey, Ben,” said the hologram. “Well, I get that you’re probably busy with your training and stuff, but could you please call me when you get the chance? Bye.”

Despite his body wanting to take a nap before returning the call, Ben punched in Poe’s frequency and it only took his friend a few seconds to answer. His hologram looked weary, as if some burden was resting on him.

“Hey,” he said. “You look worn out. Lightsaber practice?”

“Yeah,” said Ben, putting the comm on his chest. “You know Uncle Luke, how he drills and drills and drills.”

“I can imagine. He’s probably like Zorii when she’s in a bad mood – which is, well, almost all the time.” 

“So . . . what did you want to talk to me about?”

Poe gulped. “Well . . . you know how my job isn’t, in the strictest sense of the word . . . _legal.”_

“Yeah, but given my dad’s old job, I don’t think I’m one to judge there.”

“But you _do_ judge.”

“I never said that.”

Poe sighed, glancing downwards. “You don’t need to. You and your family look the other way, but that doesn’t mean you’re not disappointed. Probably even your dad’s disappointed in me.”

“Come on, Poe, if _anyone_ understands, it’s my dad . . .”

“Your dad’s the _reformed_ smuggler,” Poe interrupted. “The man who rose from a life of crime to become a hero – it’s a great story, isn’t it? Not like me, the guy who started running spice to spite _his_ dad.”

Ben didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know all the details about the qualms Poe and Kes had gotten into that eventually led to Poe running off and he didn’t think he had a right to ask. He just knew that ever since Poe’s mother died when he was a child, things had been getting increasingly rougher between Poe and his father. “If you’re having moral dilemmas about running spice, I’m sure your dad would welcome you back.”

 _“Would_ he?” Poe’s hologram flickered as his face scrunched up. “I’m a _disappointment,_ Ben. The son of two Rebel soldiers, and look where I ended up.”

“Hey, _I’m_ the son of two Rebel soldiers too,” said Ben. “I know how it’s a rough legacy to follow.”

“Yeah, but _you’re_ training to be a Jedi.” Poe sighed, blowing hair out of his face. “Probably my dad would have loved it if I’d turned out to be Force-sensitive. Not only could he brag about his son being a Jedi, but he could have also sent me off to train and I’d have been out of his hair.”

“Poe . . .”

“I’m serious!” exclaimed Poe. “I think I remind Dad too much of Mom. I think he’s disappointed that I don’t remember Mom as well as he does. As I get older and older, I’m a living reminder of how long it’s been since she died.” His throat bulged slightly, like he was gulping down a sob. “I know you get in fights with your parents, but at least you still _have_ both of them.”

Ben was silent. When Han called, it always seemed like Leia was at a meeting or away on some diplomatic mission or off settling some dispute. When was the last time he’d talked to her? Had it been a month? Two months? He knew she had the galaxy to look after, of course, but couldn’t she spare more time to call her son?

Still, Poe was right, both his parents were alive. 

“Anyway,” said Poe, “this isn’t the kind of job you can just walk out on. People expect their deliveries and if they don’t get them, they come after you with blasters.”

“Do you have a _price_ on your head??” Ben exclaimed, feeling his stomach churn. “Like my dad did??”

Poe gave a low whistle. “Let’s just say it’s complicated.”

“Poe, listen to me, you should go back to your dad. He can help you.”

“Help me _what?”_

“Help you _not get killed,_ for one thing! Do you want to end up a frozen wall decoration like my dad? If you’re in trouble with patrons of the underworld, they could hunt you down and kill you no matter how far you try to run!”

“Don’t you think I _know_ that?”

“So you’d rather be killed than face your father? Whatever disappointment he might go through, he’d prefer it to _losing his son!”_

Poe blinked at him as if the concept hadn’t occurred to him. “I can get out of this myself,” he muttered, lowering his eyes. “I don’t need his help.”

“All right, if you’re too stubborn to save your skin for him or yourself, then do it for _me._ Think about how _I’d_ be losing my best friend!”

Poe jumped back a bit, eyes wide. “Look . . . Ben . . . I don’t wanna die, okay? I just don’t know how to get outta this.”

“Your dad could help. Please, seriously, just consider it, okay?”

A long sigh emerged from Poe’s mouth. “All right, I’ll consider it.” He gulped. “There’s something else too. Ben . . . what do you know about the First Order?”

It was as if Poe had dumped ice water on Ben’s head. It took all his willpower to pull back the gasps so Poe wouldn’t see them and start asking questions. “I . . . I know they’re a shadowy cult loyal to the old Empire.” Every word came out stiff, almost robotic, but he couldn’t tell Poe what _else_ he knew about the First Order.

How the voice in his head claimed that the First Order was the answer for all the corruption in the Republic and the Jedi Order.

How he didn’t know whether or not to believe it, but if his mother was _always_ trying to solve disputes that never seemed to end, didn’t that mean the Republic wasn’t functioning very well? Couldn’t there be a better way to run the galaxy?

And the Jedi . . . well, here he was on a distant planet, cut off from his family and training for . . . what, exactly? It hadn’t even been his choice to come here – his parents had sent him here because his powers were out of control and they were afraid that he might end up hurting himself or someone else if he didn’t learn to control them.

Control . . . but wasn’t _control_ a _bad_ thing when the Empire did it?

“Ben?” Poe asked. “You okay?”

“Mmm, yeah,” said Ben. “Just thinking.”

Poe raised an eyebrow, probably not completely believing him, but he didn’t press the matter. “Well, I think the First Order might be stronger than the Republic would have us believe.”

“Why would you say that?”

“I hear stories,” said Poe. “Stories about raids, secret weapons dealing, even _kidnapped babies.”_

“Well what makes you think the First Order is responsible?”

“I don’t know for sure, but if they _are,_ then the Republic’s assurances that they’re ‘under control’ wouldn’t be true, would they?”

The Republic was lying to the galaxy. Wasn’t that supposed to be something good guys didn’t do?

“And if they really do have the means to take over the galaxy,” Poe continued, “then I want to fight them before they succeed. Hell, even if they don’t have the means _yet,_ they should be stopped before they _obtain_ them.”

Ben didn’t know how to respond. He couldn’t say he had inherited his mother’s diplomacy skills or her passion for politics, but it really did seem like the Republic _wasn’t_ working. What if the voice in his head was right?

“Poe,” he finally said, “go home. You’re too _good_ a person to run spice your whole life. Hey, you could talk to _my_ dad – he could probably give you some pointers about how to escape the underworld.”

Now there was actually a small smile on Poe’s face. “Maybe I will. Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For being a great friend.”

Ben smiled back at him, sensing that his friend would find his way in his life. “Thank you for being a great friend too.”

THE END

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [To Be Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918985) by [idrilhadhafang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang)




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